Helga's Journey

My Journey

I have always been interested in health and explored holistic healing modalities like reflexology, aromatherapy, shiatsu, Thai massage, Indian head massage, magnet therapy and eventually practiced mainly Bodytalk, Pshych-K, Cranio-sacral therapy and Breathwork. 

Unknowingly, my own healing started when I learned in 2007 that my unborn baby’s heart had not developed fully. I could not accept the idea of losing him, and I searched for possible ways to heal or save him. I learned that the only way Luca could survive with a hypo plastic left heart (his left mitral valve and ventricle were under developed) was through extreme intervention. Five days after his birth, he received the first of three major open heart surgeries. Besides wanting him to survive and be well, I had expectations of how healthy and functional he should be. 

All my energy and effort was focused on what I could do for him to heal. I kept on researching therapies which could support him, not realizing that I never truly accepted him, but instead I was constantly chasing after a better future. Our challenging journey became even more difficult when Luca was diagnosed with Autism.  Nine years after his birth, I finally ran out of energy and willpower. Only then did I start to recognize the emotional disconnect between myself and my son, which originated from our stressful journey together. This also showed me the disconnect I was experiencing with myself.

Helga and Luca Coetzer

I now know that I was guided toward a beautiful path – of learning about healing; a path on which I must face many of my own fears, so that I can let go of my own expectations of how life should be. I was forced to face the fear of being judged and rejected, of not being enough, of not being valued or loved – mostly by myself. My journey led me to an understanding that no one is to blame for my circumstances. Everything I longed for, for Luca, I first fully have to embody myself. Only I can change how I feel about my reality. When I stop being resistant and face my fears, I get to experience the flow of life and the magnificent gift of inner peace and freedom. My boy saved me from disconnecting with myself, from him, and our purpose.

Throughout my process of healing I have gained a tapestry of knowledge. Through understanding the impact of individual, generational and cultural programming and trauma, we can understand how we react through our autonomic nervous system, and therefore live and create our reality unconsciously. This helps us understand why we continuously end up with the same undesired results in our lives – just as I was doing with Luca – and highlights the value of changing undesired patterns once we have gained new information, through finding a different perspective.

We have incredible potential and ability to heal, create and evolve. When the vibration of our energy changes we attract conditions which are in harmony with that resonance. Through the regular practice of Energy release and Neurodynamic Breathwork™, 

I was able to establish a connection and deep trust with my Inner Guiding Intelligence.  This is incredibly empowering, and is available to everyone. When we connect with this guidance, we explore our authentic truth and empower ourselves to experience true healing.

I find myself on a continuous journey of exploration and creation through my practices, and it inspires me to share what I have learned and experienced with everyone who resonates with similar aspirations.

My inspiration and knowledge comes from the work of Dr Gabor Mate, Dr Steven Porges, Thomas Hubl, Dr Stan Grov, Joe Dispensia, Dr Zack Bush, Dr Shefali Tsabary, Echart Tolle Charles Eisenstein, Bruce Lipton, Tav Sparks, Kylea Taylor and Bessel van der Kolk.

The Autistic Yogi

By my husband

Luca was not even born yet, and already the teaching had started. During pregnancy he was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, which meant that only half of his little heart developed. The unending journey lying ahead of us would be hard, and daily life would become abnormal and chaotic, filled with fear, trauma, pain and isolation, for him and for us.

After three open heart surgeries and his diagnoses of autism, Helga and I unknowingly struggled with our own trauma and failed to give him the support needed. Naturally we took him for all the therapy and interventions available, but we lacked the wisdom and conscious awareness of what he truly needed – our loving acceptance and undivided attention.

It is actually our compassionate awareness of his pain that poured soothing balm on it. It is when we re framed our victim hood of personal sacrifice and suffering into an act of compassionate giving that healing started to happen, for him and for us. It is when we started to give our time without the selfish distraction of our own loss of freedom, without judgement of his behaviour, without expectations of how he should be. When we are with him with focused kindness and acceptance in the moment, is when our healing as a family truly happens. We must be conscious leaders; not by correcting him on his behaviour constantly, not by laying down the rules of society that he must fit in, not by making him feel guilty for our suffering, but by showing him the way by how WE are. For him to be centred, connected, understanding, resilient but kind, we have to be that. This is our work; to be that which we want him to be. My personal exploration and modest understanding of reality point to this: our outer world is created from the inside, by observation, through the point of view lens. An unsympathetic observation will produce/reflect a cruel environment; a compassionate observation will create/echo a kind world.

Yet, all these good intentions I have of an awakened family are simply conceited notions if not applied practically. How do I become kinder, braver, more resilient and more conscious? The only path I can see that will change my awareness to that of a higher mind, powered by innate wisdom, is to focus on acceptance and gratitude.

Sure, meditation, yoga and such methods can create inner peace or insights in those moments of practice, and can even influence your nature over time, but it is in the daily challenges when your true equilibrium is tested. It seems counter intuitive but I believe that the only true release valve of pressure is the acceptance of that pressure. It is the expectation of how things should be, of how people should act, of how our lives should look like, that creates misery. Each moment of acceptance is a moment of being, not doing. But it is not easy to accept, for the mind is programmed to judge. It is in fact impossible not to judge, as the very nature of expression is built on judgement. The foundation of creation is duality (the illusion of separateness). Even thoughts and emotions are born from judgement. Any intelligence, reasoning, conviction, conclusion and even wisdom are formed from judgment. Any awareness, feeling, point of view and belief are a judgement. Intellectually we judge whether something is good or bad. Emotionally we judge a feeling as happy or sad. We think, we feel, we judge. It’s our nature. So if we can’t escape judgement, how do we use judgement to our advantage? How do we use judgement to leverage us into a higher vibration where we are more conscious? I believe the emotion of gratitude to be the highest vibration of judgement/existence. It shifts the low vibration of bias expectation into a higher perspective of grateful acceptance. We should just keep in mind that acceptance is not a resignation or a reason to give up on life, but is rather the letting go of the programmed expectations we hold. Gratitude is not an excuse to evade painful emotions, but is the recognition how wondrous the gift of life is in all its forms.

I have my own personal yogi living in my house. Not a guru in the traditional way, but an unorthodox teacher who imparts wisdom by mirroring. He echoes my state of awareness (acceptance and gratitude) or lack of, in every exchange. All the ignorance of the scripted character that I am playing; every frustration, impatience, anger, he stirs from me to shows me the nature of this character I am expressing. He was prepared to go through unspeakable pain so that I can observe and learn. Behind his mischievous, demanding and provoking nature is love and an agreement between our souls to express this experience called life. It is not me making the sacrifice to raise him. It is him enduring the suffering to raise my awareness. It is he who is experiencing the judgement and abandonment, not only from society, but also from us, the ones he came to aid. It is not he that needs the healing, it is us. It is not him that needs to fit into society; it is us that must realize that he does not have to. It is us who need to be grateful for his presence in our lives. It is us who should be grateful for every second that he is here, against the odds. We should be grateful that he can create, laugh, that he makes eye contact, that he hugs us and that he bears no grudges for our sometimes unkind behaviour towards him. We should be grateful that we are on this journey with the opportunity to expand our awareness and raise our vibration.

The drama of yesterday is only a memory, this moment is real. What happened, happened. What is, is. Who I am in this moment is all that matters. There is nothing else. Only now.

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