Healing the ego
If you were not autistic, you may not have experienced the same freedom from ego that you possess.
It is truly a wonderful gift, one that I am coming to appreciate more and more. The ability to not be burdened by the opinions of others, to act and speak authentically from the heart, is something that many people strive for on their spiritual journeys. However, as a parent, I have often found myself conditioned to care deeply about what others think, feeling like my very survival depends on it. My nervous system constantly reminds me of my perceived shortcomings, pushing me to strive for perfection and causing me to doubt myself at every turn. It has been a constant battle of running, fighting, and numbing in order to meet societal expectations and maintain my sanity.
But through my interactions with you, my beautiful and unique child, I have come to realize the special task you have been given in this world. Initially, I felt it was my responsibility to teach you and guide you, but you resisted. You expressed your individuality through shouts, kicks, and screams, determined to ensure that we did not miss the opportunity to learn from you. And in this journey, I discovered that before I could truly connect with you, I needed to establish a deeper connection with myself.
Every day, I am learning the importance of consciousness development, self-growth, and a spiritual approach to life from you, my precious child. I now recognize that your purpose extends far beyond what I initially thought. You have become my teacher, showing me how to find happiness in the present moment, and reminding me of the beauty in life’s simplest things.