My health challenge became a deep healing process of unmasking my wounded identity and uncovering truths of the past. I had to apply my practice of trust and surrender learned in breathwork and never imagined it could reach such richness and depth in a conscious state.

Feeling into the moment connected me to stored trauma energy, making it possible to transform or release it.

I looked horrible. My skin was bloated and red hot from the inflammation. It was dry and burned continuously as it peeled and cracked, making me feel physically powerless.

A holistic approach is always my preference as it truly heals the root of the cause by not suppressing the symptoms, even if the process takes longer. By allowing the feeling of the moment, I could connect with the energy of the past. As I went down this path of self-discovery, that connection lead me to my own and inherited trauma which reminded me of trapped pain, sadness, anger, grief and fear. This engagement was a new opportunity to release, which I previously resisted to protect myself. Hidden, neglected emotions are dense energy which shows up as symptoms. Connecting to those feelings, which I so often practised in breathwork, created the possibility to bring an understanding of what was trapped and release it, changing the discomfort into an opportunity to learn as I healed.

I was not in charge and patiently had to stay with the process, not rushing the recovery. I had to be humble and listen. Initially, I had to radically slow down and connect with it by becoming immersed in the physical sensation. I had to practice trust and surrender. Only when connecting with the trapped emotions, I got clarity. I felt the need to soothe myself with gentle, loving care inside and out. By being mindful of what I consumed, whether it was food, information or interaction, especially my inner conversations. From moment to moment I was reminded of how challenging it was and how easily I went astray. With it came the recognition that what I cannot be for myself, I cannot be for others. I had the power to choose the life-giving energy. The energy I consume through my senses influences the quality of Lifeforce I experience. My vibration then resonates with that higher power.

Just as it was getting better, a new cycle started. This time, I knew I had to deal with fear because the very thing that is feared is attracted. The fear motivated me to be more consistent in making the right choices, making small, manageable changes which can break old habits bit by bit. I had to become my cheerleader because I had to show up and believe in myself in a supportive, encouraging and trusting way. I was busy forming a new relationship with myself.

I started to experience the abundance of life all around me. I stopped and noticed the things I usually took for granted. I felt so much gratitude for the sun, the moon, mother earth, the wind, the water, the plants, food, people and everyday comfort in its many forms. As my heart opened, I was able to be more present for those close to me. My masks frequently come off in front of my loved ones, and I expected that they would continue to love me when I was exhausted, blaming, and annoyed. I recognized they needed extra appreciation for accepting me even if my behaviour was not lovable.

I now practice tuning into myself as frequently as I can manage from moment to moment and set aside time to connect to my suppressed feelings. By acceptance of the suffering, agony, and ugliness of the experience, I received valuable gifts of understanding. I found compassion for the image in the mirror. In that reflection of vulnerability, I recognized my true power.